Perhaps it was that my roommate woke me at 5 am this morning, or that I ate an entire bag of licorice and I was rethinking that marvelously thought-out-choice. Or perhaps my soul needed to be awoken and my body had no choice. It was something a friend said over lunch,
"When you came back from Sweden you were really quiet and more calm, but now you've kind of settled back in and are the crazy Eleah again."
I was certain he meant it for good, but my heart keeps reiterating the words. I keep wondering about the steps I took to get here, and I am disheartened. Has the time studying at university been so time consuming that I have neglected the reason I went in the first place? One professor is certain we all need a masters before entering the mission field, but I am not sure I agree. Sure, more training so we don't all go out and make idiots of ourselves and end up failing unnecessarily. But what about going. I know if I had waited until I knew what I was doing I would have never gone to Sweden.
We make mistakes while in missions, it's a given. But should we let our fear of mistakes drive us or rather a character in Christ? This is something that I am convicted about. Character. Many times I look at my life and wonder why I let it be so boring. It is boring when we fill it with things that don't measure up to the life God calls us to. Walking with God should not be boring. It is passionate, it is moving, and it is an adventure.
I spend so much time wondering what I think my theology is that I don't go out and do theology. Because if it isn't changing you to be more like Christ than it is Pharisee life, and that is boring. We need to be not only hearers of the word but doers of it (James 1.22-25). Embracing what God is doing in us (Rom. 8).
But this is not wasted time to have failed. It would be to do nothing about it from here. Does anyone else feel this way?
oh my wise and wonderful sister YES! I feel like you do, trying, moving, theology on the run while identifying with HIM and His mission, koinonia true fellowship as we are doing the Father's will!
ReplyDeletelove John
Well said!
ReplyDeleteDo it! Just do it, be theology, think You can do it close to campus too and not just overseas!
Perhaps you will be a pillar somewhere, then it's good that you have all this knowledge and hopefully wisdowm to share with others.. 8) But still everything has to do with being close to Gods heart, think it helps though to know much, to discern what he's saying though.. But the lots of experience is gained by doing stuff in God's kingdom too.. 8) Guess what I'm trying to say is that it goes hand in hand! :)
Lots of (platonic) love, haha, Andreas 8)
Ps. Lars my brother is going with the Lord again, don't know if you ever knew that he was a away though.. God gave him a job the first day after he'd completed his highschool education.. Witout him looking for a single (paid) job - with Tomas Ojala - his whole life! With tomas I meanthe fit roofer guy in church and ur friend).. God is good! 8)
theology is for doxology which is for praxsis
ReplyDeleteThat's right Eleah!
ReplyDeleteYou should probably quit school and everything else that doesn't fill your heart with joy and follow Jesus wildly, abandonedly, and with great daring and bravo amidst a heart deeply at peace and in love with Him. It's who you were made to be.
Fill your life with the relationships that matter, soak in every minute of beauty and risk that life offers and show the world that there is a better way to live and a better road to follow.
Or keep on trekking and you might have pretty good theology and a few good practical ideas that you probably could have figured out through simply loving people and trusting the Holy Spirit to guide you.
Haha there's my rant for today. I was just thinking about you as I was praying and thought and found your blog. God bless you in whatever you do :).
-David Hepting